Chapter 5 - What I Want

I can't believe that is been more than a year since Thulian moved into the neighborhood. Then six months ago, we become boyfriend and girlfriend. Every moment we had could, we spent our moments together and I cherished those times. Now I was just waiting for the perfect time to say those certain three little words

Today I got to choose where to go for our date. As strange as it sounds, I really wanted to go fishing with him. So he packed up a picnic basket and two fishing rods as well as some bait. I didn't want to wear my disguise today so we had to go somewhere were no one would see us.

I felt a strong pull from the end of the line and I got very excited. "I got a bite!" But whatever was on the other end was strong enough not only to pull my fishing pole but also managed to pull me to the ground. "Owowowo...owww."

"Are you ok?" Thulian rushed to my side and pulled me up. Except for a little mud, I was alright. He fussed a little longer before giving a kiss on my cheek. I giggled and and rested my head on his shoulder, just enjoying every moment I had with him.

After putting everything away, we went on a stroll around the empty woods before heading back home.

...

We came back sometime after noon and after making sure no one would see me leave Thulian's residence. But the moment I stepped onto our residence, I was in for a surprise.

Oh my Berry, what is going on!?

I rushed up to my room and stopped in shock at the doorway. My room was now bare with only a single bed and dresser. I couldn't believe it as walked into the room and looked around, somehow hoping that this wasn't real.

The door opened behind me and I knew my parent's walked in but I couldn't face them. It was my father's annoyed grunt that finally made me turn around. "I don't... I don't understand..." It was too much for me; I was so close to tears.

"Anglaise," My father's deep voice seem to boom in the empty room, "I had turn my head when it comes to your... hobbies. I have waited for you to show some ambition in your life but you have disappointed me. It is time for you to be acting like a young lady and not a child. It's time for you to grow up." Word after word was another stab to my breaking heart.

"You are not making any progress in your life and I am not going to have a failure of a daughter. These past months we've spent traveling was for good reason. I was in search for a husband for you." What? Please tell me it isn't true. Please.. I don't think I can handle this anymore  "Our last trip was to Chambéry and I have found the perfect future son-in-law. His name is Aramon Chenin." 

"We've already arranged a date. It will be next fall in Chambéry and you will move there a month before the wedding. By then, you would have been taught everything of being the perfect wife."

"Frost, please. You promised you wouldn't do this to her." My mother finally spoke, her voice small and sad. I would have never had thought in a million years that she would actually be against an arranged marriage for me.

"I had no choice Genoise! We are not getting younger and I need to make our family name lives on. I don't want to hear another word about this!" I never seen my father get this upset or even yell at my mother like that and I could see it hurt her deeply.

"I don't want to get married." I said, trying to take everything in. I knew for sure I wasn't going to get marry to a man I have never met.

My father was having none of that and immediately went off in a tirade. "It does not matter! This is what's best for you! If you weren't stuck in that fantasy world of yours and been the perfect daughter, I would not have to secure your own future. End of discussion!"

He left in huff and I was too numb to do anything but stare at the ground. "I'm so sorry Anglaise. This wasn't what I wanted for you." I couldn't even react to the fact that she actually apologized to me. It was too much to take in.

...

I couldn't sleep in this room; I couldn't be in this room any longer. It wasn't my room anymore, it was now just a room. It just reminded that my life is changing onto a road I didn't want to venture.

This wasn't my sanctuary anymore, it was now a joyless cage. Everything was gone and even if I tried to replace the things I've lost, it would never be the same. It felt like a piece of me was just ripped out and was completely destroyed.

But what did I want? Well one thing was for sure was that I didn't want to stay here any minute longer. I searched through my drawers, looking for my robe.

As silently as I could, I walked out of my house and went next door. Tonight, I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to love and be loved back.

The moment he opened the door, I flew into his arms and started to cry. I sobbed out everything that had happened. Thulian said nothing for a while but just held me, stroking my back.

"You can't let them always control your life Angel. You're your own person with your own wants and needs. You should do what you want to do."

I want to...

"I want to be with you, tonight." There was no hesitation in my voice and it took him a second to understand what I meant. His hand grabbed mine and he led me upstairs to his room.

All our previous kisses were soft and sweet but this was completely different. This was sensual and passionate which made me want to shy away but at the same time, craving for something more.

He stopped and pulled away as I looked up in confusion. "Are you sure?" He whispered to me. This was a major step for us and it was scary but I wasn't going to back down now. I slowly nodded and placed a soft kiss on my lips.

It was awkward and weird but I did not regret my choice. I had no regrets that my first time was with Thulian and not with the man I was promised to. This night was just for us and nothing was going to ruin it.

I wanted to stay in his arms forever. I wanted to forget everything except for him. But as much as I wanted to stay, I knew I had to go back. Even if we were to run away together, my father would find us and find a way to completely ruin our lives. I couldn't let that happen. But I wasn't going back to just let my parent's control my life, I was only going back until we found a way to be together without any worry.

"I have to go," I whispered, part of me hoping he was awake. It was soft but I did hear, "I know."

"I love you." I whispered and placed a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. "I love you too." Was his breathy reply as his eyes fluttered open to stare into mine. Oh Berry, it nearly made me stay, just nearly.